Be my fucking Facebook friend!

Admittedly, I felt kinda insipid setting up this blog. In many ways, the act felt like that of a sexually frustrated schoolgirl, scribbling notes about boys who ‘look at me’ in class. Yes, this a diary for adults. A diary for voyeurs and exhibitionists. But it serves a splendid purpose, to raise consciousness, to disseminate ideas, and to vent…

You see, I underwent these feelings before, when I set up a Facebook profile (let’s forget about my long defunct spammified Myspace account). Initially, it seemed a faddish, sycophantic, time-wasting thing to do…but after coercision from friends, and some rationalising, I realised it’s okay to suck cock every so often. Hey! I might even enjoy it!

And enjoy it I have, to some extent. Happily sucking away, I’ve managed to get back in touch with old friends and enemies, and to even meet some intriguing new people. And isn’t this the point? To network and widen the circle of contacts?!

So I thought…but imagine my horror when I attempt to ‘reach out’ to some shithead, by all appearances an ally in skepticism and atheism, who responds with…

“Excuse me, but do I know you at all?!”

I was suddenly taken aback by my own hastiness and impertinence! How dare I contact a supposedly like-minded individual in a public forum, without a formal letter of introduction, an appointment, a stern moral purpose and a tasty, sweet-baked item?!

After all, this gentleman is selective. He only has 260 other ‘friends’…

Worst of all…I do know him…

If there must be a point, an American-sitcom-style moral, it is this: Do not set up profiles on Myspace, Facebook, LinkenIn, ad infinitum, unless you can cope with the basic premise that people will contact you!

Yes! Friends, relatives, parole officers and ex-boyfriends…but also strangers, loons, creeps and nutjobs, and the odd decent chap; people who want to be connected to you in some way, probably erroneously because they don’t know that your photo is a good unlikeness of you.

Try being more approachable…

Most of all, cut out the pretentiousness, the preciousness, the elitism, the fear, the reticence and the misguided sense of superiority. Remember, Natural Selection let you slip through…