Misty Mountain Hop

Walkin’ in the park just the other day, baby. What do you, what do you think I saw?

Led Zeppelin saw spirits in those misty moutains, but I didn’t see them, nor did I see Bigfoot…

Bigfootae Ambiguus Subjectico (in the taxonomy of mythological beasts) is the rice and beans of cryptozoology; an unidentified bipedal primate variously called Sasquatch, Ape Man, Mountain Devil, Abominable Snowman, Yeti or Yowie, etc. has been sighted globally, not to mention allegedly, and might be some sort of universal legend with variants in many cultures. In the States the creature has been reputedly spotted from Florida to Alaska, and everwhere in between. But nowhere claims more sightings than the Bigfoot Scenic Byway in Humboldt County, California.

I know this area well, it’s the site where I fell in love with California years before; giant, ancient redwoods, fertile forests, rushing rivers, glistening lakes, and intimidatingly tall, misty mountain ranges in remote country that would surely harbor the elusive Bigfoot, if anywhere would…

I spent Thanksgiving in Arcata, near the Oregon Border. The town is home to Humboldt State University, and is a haven for hippies and the New Age. Where else can one enjoy a tofu melt and green tea before a Reiki Massage and some Energy Work…all at the same place? (The TranquiliTea Organic Cafe, if you’re interested, you latent hippy, you…)

I was not about to do a Bigfoot stake out. Most of the camp sites are closed during winter, and it’s so bitterly brass monkey cold that you’d truly hope to find the wild man so he could keep you warm at night…  I simply couldn’t travel to Bigfoot country and not do some sleuthing for my blog and some other articles, so I traveled to a number of Bigfoot ‘hotspots’, including Fern Canyon, the Lady Bird Johnson Grove, and Willow Creek. Did I see the big fella? Well, I enjoyed a few nice picnics, let’s put it that way…

Of all the sites, Willow Creek is known as the “Gateway to Bigfoot Country” and lies at the intersection of Highway 299 and “the Bigfoot Scenic Byway also known as Hwy 96“  (according to 101 Things to do in Humboldt.) After driving across some 30 miles of towering mountains, precipitous cliffs and undulating roads I arrived at the Bigfoot museum that houses the original plaster casts of the Bigfoot foot print – the  Willow Creek – China Flat Museum, near the Bluff Creek site where the infamous Patterson-Gimlin Bigfoot footage was filmed in 1967.

…The museum was closed…

When I ceased uttering vile and rather graphic obscenities I noticed a tatty sign that proclaimed “Special Request Openings $10 Donation. Call Peggy 629-XXXX”.  So I called Peggy, put on my very best Aussie accent, and begged her for a private showing of the Bigfoot collection. The dear lady was obliging, and promised enthusiastically, “I’ll be there in ten minutes!” 

“I see you’ve brought the sunshine with you!” she beamed, before launching into, “Search and rescue found a four-year-old boy nearby and he claimed to see a large, hairy animal that stared back at him. You know, it was either Bigfoot, or a hippy.” Thus began some of the finest and funniest campfire stories, tall tales, and ripping yarns, that I’ve ever friggin’ heard. 

Peggy spoke in stream-of-consciousness terms of Bigfoot anecdotes, and any word I uttered would trigger yet another story.

Her enterprising ways were rewarded with numerous other visitors who poured in through the doors. “I see you’ve brought the sunshine with you!” Peggy enthused at each and every party. This was a slick operation she had going…

There were some telling comments in Peggy’s spiel; some 85% of visitors have sighted, smelled, heard or seen ‘evidence’ of Bigfoot, or know of someone who has, but none of the locals have experienced a first-hand Bigfoot encounter. Peggy included. “I’ve never seen Bigfoot,” she admitted, “But I know he’s out there!”

In the “Bigfoot Memories” journals for guests to sign, the stories were apocryphal and spoke of evidence with obvious natural explanations; Bigfoot tracks (bears, big cats, people?), a purtrid stench (a rotting animal carcass?), strange noises (other animals, people, falling branches, small landslides?), ‘replies’ to attempts to communicate with Bigfoot (echos?) or a vague “feeling” or “sense” of Bigfoot’s presence (induced by imagination?)…

In every recollection, the eyewitness was tired, distracted or sick, but insisted, “I know what I saw”.

Peggy even uttered a naughty whopper, that the Patterson-Gimlin footage “has never been discredited”. It’s certainly never been authenticated…

But she did make a very astute observation, Bigfoot is depicted in different ways in different cultures. “People seem to draw Bigfoot in a way that resembles themselves. White people make Bigfoot look white. I showed a guy this picture of Bigfoot the other day,” she said, pointing to a sketch of a humanoid Bigfoot, “and he said, ‘I just gave two bucks to a bum who looked like that!’”

And sometimes, her love of a good story outweighed her desire to support the legends. “Five experts turned up to Bluff Creek and didn’t end up doing any research because they argued over the exact spot where Bigfoot was seen!”

The museum houses a collection of Bigfoot artifacts and memorabilia.

One of my clever companions was quick to notice that two plaster casts taken from different locations and dates, were of the precise same shape. Hmm…a re-used mold?

As I left, Peggy said, “Thanks for listening to my silly stories. You probably think I’m mad,” and I realized that I was there as much for her as she was there for me and other tourists. “These stories are important as folklore,” I assured her. “And I hope you never stop telling them.”

And so, Bigfoot really does exist, in the form of these stories, and the numerous redwood carvings and statues dotted along the highways of Bigfoot Country.

For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, check out Eugenie Scott’s upcoming Ask a Scientist seminar for a physical anthropologist’s views on the topic of Bigfoot.